Dad I miss you so...

Wish you were here, my darling papa! (there is noone like you - not ever...)
Precious in our hearts - NOW & ALWAYS... SXO



June 1 2009
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It's been two years now, Daddy-Bud,


since you left this painful plane;


So strange & still surreal, it's hard to grasp


while memories mingle with what appears material -


yet somehow their LucidiTy susTains,


clarity & comfort partially reclaimed:


You'Re with me heRe, & aLL aLong,


in fond FoReVeRs & into far-flung futures


embedded in Eternal's Long Beyond


of visions swirling Into The Minds' Eye...


* * * *


Infinity comes closer as it carries my cries


- the howling of my heart -


out into its cavernous, pitless depths


of knawing kNoWing that the dRead of losing you


has come to pass as true. Then: shuT-doWn


til my brain's next baby-step of bravery


(blown up like opening the door to Bluebeard's 'room'


where the horrors of my fundamental fears are held):


But how can reality become this unbearable finality?


* * * *


Allow me the futility of these LAMENTs for moRe


of what i know & whom i love & those who had

the nerve to slip away without attention paid & fusses made


(How could they just LEAVE like that?)


* * * *


MuST that be the way: to fizzle out & fade away,


too tired for attonement & too tongue-tied for the truth?


* * * *


(Too late to try to turn around this tendency for tragedy,


to type instead what's beautiful from knowing


i'm not nearly DoNe with - wishing i could have more time


with - YOU?) - if not, then i'll attempt to make


the effort it takes to celebrate this empty ache for


more of your character to enjoy,


more of your lofty lessons to learn by,


more of the music that moves us to share,


more works of art to mesmerize and/or despise,


more funnies to amuse us & issues to discuss ~


the cavities you filled & rooms you occupied,


bridges you built between divides,


cups overflowing from pitchers you poured


out of your darling desire to devour every day alive ~


transmuted thru your painstaking toil into


transmissions of deLighT - drawn-in & dished-out alike -


transported to today: i'll treasure these talismen

of your quintessence & marvel at your magnanimity

in sharing what 'in effect' turns out to be MOST precious:


Richly savoured morsels of experience ~


Showing that you cared,


never running scared ~


expressing your abiding love that never wanes...


only regrets & selfishness be tamed


(One day, no more pain)


SaRah C.
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This is Planet Sedge...

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(2 new self-portraits)

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NY's '08 by Ringo ~

(& yes - that does say A.M., kids!)

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A coupla sillsies @ Xmas...

Further images of the photographic kind

-
of those ON MY MIND...

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(BeSTs)

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(Ma main giRLs : kindRed spiRiTs!)

& 2 of my fave sleepyheads...
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My brilliant father...

Robert C: Once met, never forgotten...

- but the more you knew him, the more you loved him ~ that's just the
way
it was!

To have him as the family frontman~ our driving force, our major source of strength & inspiration...
impossible to let him go ~ or ever
........ to forget...

~And so we know he'll
be with us


F
O
R
E
V
E
R...
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Still reeling...

... without my beloved dad - the most unique & true-blue soul, with the purest heart a papa could possess! His love of life ~ his laugh: so infectious & impossible to forget... His gift of lifting our sights to loftier levels & freeing our minds to follow our hearts... Of course he'd want us to carry on, fight the fights & do what's right; stay the course ~ & then: DO MORE.... "HA-ha!"

He even came to understand my yearnings for a kinder meat-free world - or at least, he tried! There were times when NOBODY would LISTEN with such somber, undivided intent: That precious zenith at the meeting of the minds, you knew he threw his heart into that moment when he'd glimpse into the goodness of your soul... To many, he epitomized the best of British gentlemanly virtue mixed with winning boyish charm - of civility & kindness & disarmament in one! The best part is: that's who he truly WAS (You never doubted his intentions would be swiftly followed up with action)... He literally embodied ~ because it just came naturally ~ the unwavering integrity of being TRUE to himself, the joy of not being discouraged by the mundane... & for THAT, let alone the prodigious rest, I feel ULTIMATELY BUOYED to be his darling daughter...

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......(and oh how i wish you were here...)

~ as that initial numbing shock sheds its convoluted layers reluctantly, day by day then week by week then month by month - the padding protecting our minds from messages sent by our pummeled hearts soon melts away like clouds in high wind before you have time to absorb them... You see them, only now they're gone & given way to starkness : Stripped of insulation, your heart is gripped by a taut, breathless ache that hollows out the chest with terrifying clarity ~ & hurls you into another fresh panic of no more tomorrows...

{Must temper those times with memories that make me smile}
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(~ i cherish his appreciation for the painterly me ~)

~ a certain ethereal quality ~

+ that sweetly genuine interest in all the minutae...

(one of my book illustrations, a hand-colorized photograph)

Remembering him taking in a piece I'd just finished - fully focussed & absorbed in details that others would miss, surprising me with questions that stuck out or made me laugh but always made me sing inside because of his enthrallment with that moment and me... Recalling him in moments like this, the way he made you feel singled-out and special, brings him back vividly for a few joyous seconds...

~Above all he wanted those around him, especially his children & his beloved Margie, to be HAPPY....

PHWOW.

HOW?

I'm not ashamed of the rivers I cry - think, I constantly bawl my eyes out for the ways we humans have (mis-)treated our big mama-jama Earth & all its beautiful living beings.... Today, my silent streaming tears lament the Earth forsaking one I love and cherish; I NEVER want to say goodbye....

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'Coolmind' (nov.'07)

Digital paintings by Sarah Chesterman

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'Sis-Tech'
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'Aquadream'
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'Cool'Cules'

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'MeltingGlobe'

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'GrilledSunset'

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'SunburntNeon'
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